r/AskReddit Jan 27 '23

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" what is a real life example of this?



u/EditorNo2545 Jan 27 '23

the Unexpected Consequences of your donations

TOMS Shoes, a company that pledged to donate a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair purchased. Turns out that the company's donations disrupted local shoe markets in developing countries, putting local shoe makers out of business and creating a dependency on foreign donations. Additionally, the shoes donated by TOMS were not always appropriate for the local climate or culture and were not always of the same quality as the shoes being sold. Reportedly, they have ended up in landfills.


u/TheHotMessExpress91 Jan 31 '23

When I took a trip to Kenya in the late 2000s, toms were a huge deal. I bought some for the trip thinking, hey if they make these for the people there they must work well in that climate. Wrong. They’re soles are useless. The thorns and prickles in the grasses there go straight through them. Never bought another pair.

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u/RotaryMicrotome Jan 27 '23

My neighbor who is supposedly getting evicted soon.

Basically she saw young drug addicts (30 year olds) as people she could change for the better. She’d find them somewhere and bring them home. Evidently the idea was that she could show them a warm apartment and good food and they would realize the error of their ways and change for the better. That or a safe place to do their drugs. We had a door code so they could come in and knock on her door until she answered. It was a constant stream of strange people going in and out of her room all night long.

I figured it wasn’t my problem, people can do what they want if they aren’t hurting anyone else. But then three of the men decided to take advantage of her because it’s not like she could physically kick them out herself, and she wouldn’t call the police. These are people who don’t want to change, they like their lifestyle and she gave them an upgrade.

We are pretty sure they are doing meth in there. They come back at 1:30 am and either snort something or smoke something that from the hallway smells like cat pee or paint thinner. Then they scream bloody murder, throw things, and have domestics until 11 am, like clockwork.

Police can’t actively go into the room and even people on the top floor are calling them. Landlord and management is doing his best to get them out but that’s a lengthy process. They disabled the door code but they are still getting in.

Even the girl has been taken to the hospital for overdosing a few times. Threats of murder suicide are common. Anything not nailed down in the gym and lobby are getting trashed and stolen. Lobby bathroom is trashed constantly. Cars in the parking lot are being broken into and catalytic converters are being stolen. These men stalk around the parking lot watching people. We do have visitor rules, which are being broken.

It’s going to get worse before it gets better. Everyone expects to hear bullets fly anytime now. My goodwill is gone, we want her out.


u/2ByteTheDecker Jan 27 '23

The smell of cat pee from hell = meth

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u/LatrodectusGeometric Jan 27 '23

A man named Dr. Spock wrote a handbook for childrearing. It was widely circulated and well received. Many of our parents likely got their childrearing advice from this book.

In it he recognized that babies throw up a lot and therefore recommended newborns be laid on their stomachs to sleep. Unknowingly, this would result in the accidental smothering deaths of thousands of newborns. A huge number of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) cases can be laid at his feet.

To this day the back to sleep campaign is still fighting to update parents on what we now know: newborns should sleep on their backs until they can reliably roll over for themselves.


u/Crepes_for_days3000 Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 28 '23

My Mom woke up in an absolute panic having no idea why, she ran to check on my brother who was a newborn at the time - he was face down drowning in his vomit. I feel so sorry for every parent who lost their child that way because my Mom would have never recovered.


u/duck_duck_moo Jan 28 '23

My sister had that same sudden jolt of "I NEED TO CHECK ON THE KIDS!" one night. Got out of bed and found her son not breathing in his bed... Mom intuition is real.

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u/ProfPMJ-123 Jan 27 '23

Difficult to think of a better one than Prohibition and the “War On Drugs”.

Both are well meaning. Alcohol and drugs can and do destroy lives.

But banning them causes massive problems with gangs and crime to facilitate the illegal provision of things that people ultimately want.

Regulation is what’s needed.

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u/notawhingymillenial Jan 27 '23

Once upon a time, I found a wallet on the beach.

Having lost my own more than once, and not having it returned to me, I am aware that it is a stressful life event.

So, my first thought was how to return it quickly.

Looking through the contents, the owner was from out of state and there was no contact information other than the drivers license. Aside from that, only a few credit cards and some cash.

Not knowing how long ago the owner had left, I thought let's just sit here for a while and maybe he will return looking for it since it is the first thing I would do.

After a couple hours of fun and sun we needed to move on; my next best idea was to turn it into the local police station which we found easily enough just down the street.

What I thought would be a quick in and out turned into a full on interrogation session during which I was, at one point, accused of theft/robbery.

It was a bizarre experience, to say the least, which wasted an hour of our day.


u/rliant1864 Jan 27 '23 Silver Bravo Grande!

Any thief that brings their prize to the station is a moron, but any cop that thinks they've caught one of those must use their skull for storage of loose change and old receipts


u/diana_obm Jan 28 '23

must use their skull for storage of loose change and old receipts

This is the best insult I have ever heard in my life

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u/Galaxyhiker42 Jan 27 '23

I just drop it in the mail to the address on the DL or take it to the nearest hotel.

I got mugged and someone found mine a few weeks later. They mailed it to the home address.


u/GitEmSteveDave Jan 28 '23

Yeah, this is literally right up the post offices alley and they have a pretty damn effective law enforcement wing. https://www.nytimes.com/1996/09/01/nyregion/mailboxes-yield-some-secrets-many-wallets.html

If a wallet contains the owner's address, it is returned. The Postal Service pays the postage for all but the largest wallets.

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u/kindarusty Jan 28 '23

This really is bizarre. People turn in lost wallets and purses and all kinds of other shit to the police all the time.

Where I work, a report gets generated for found property and then we try to get the item to its owner (or it gets filed away in the property room if that's not feasible). It's REALLY not a big deal.

Where did this happen, out of curiosity?

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u/Aldous_Hoaxley Jan 27 '23

The introduction of Kudzu for erosion control. It has become invasive and girdles and kills plant life above ground without establishing proper roots, therefore causing soil erosion.


u/ghunt81 Jan 27 '23

So apparently kudzu is not the sole plant that does this, there are other invasive vines (also from Asia) that grow similarly but all get lumped together with kudzu.

Also, I thought it was initially introduced for livestock foraging?


u/TrailMomKat Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

In our experience, cows and horses won't touch it. The answer to it where I live is goats! Everyone out here has goats, and they're steadily destroying the kudzu in our area.

Edit: lol I get it, some of y'all's cows eat kudzu or you found an account of it on Google -- our heifers never ate it, but I reckon they were picky and spoiled since we were raising them for beef. They were grassfed and we gave them square bale hay instead of round bales, and lots of corn.

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u/purrcthrowa Jan 27 '23

Bounties for killing invasive animals. You have a bunch of animals you don't want, so you pay people for each animal they kill, usually by getting them to produce the carcass or a unigue body part. People then start breeding said animal as it's easier and more lucrative than catching them in the wild. The authorities find out, and stop the bounty programme. So the breeder let all their newly-bred invasive animals into the wild. Situation is now worse than before.

There's a famous example involving cobras in India (IIRC). They also tried this with rabbits in the area I used to live as a kid. In this case, no breeding was required as the bounty drop off point was the local police station. You'd go in with a bag of cute bunny tails. The officer on duty would count the tails, and pay you for each tail. He'd then take the bag of tails round the back of the station and pop them in the dumpster. At which point, a friend of the the bounty hunter would dive into the dumpster, retrieve the tails, go into the police station by the front door, and repeat the cycle with the just-retrieved set of tails.


u/krazy_kat_laddie Jan 27 '23

And there still seemed to be a lot of rats around. Lord Vetinari had listened carefully while the problem was explained, and had solved the thing with one memorable phrase which said a lot about him, about the folly of bounty offers, and about the natural instinct of Ankh-Morporkians in any situation involving money: "Tax the rat farms."

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u/Tackybabe Jan 27 '23

Trying to rescue too many cats.


u/PunnyBanana Jan 27 '23

I worked at a cat shelter for a few years. It always sucked whenever we got an intake from a hoarding situation. It was always at least a dozen cats who had a laundry list of health problems and were practically feral.


u/Cerulean_Shades Jan 28 '23

I know someone who is sorta in this situation but standard of care is better than hoarders. She wants to find homes for the cats but she's far in the country in Texas and people keep dropping cats literally on her doorstep and driving off. She's about to move in about a year but hopefully less and doesn't know what to do.

She got in this situation because she used to help with strays in the area and the shelters, and had a self-funded small rescue she did to help find homes for abandoned animals.

What can be done in situations like this? This isn't someone who wants to have the cats, though loves them dearly, is willing to give them up to good homes, takes good care of them, but can't continue with the costs. All of the shelters and rescues (whom she used to volunteer for) won't return calls and she's terrified of what kind of situation the cats will wind up in. At this point it's almost 20 cats.


u/PunnyBanana Jan 28 '23

So, a quick disclaimer that I worked cat care, so I wasn't personally involved with the administrative/community/intake stuff but I did work with the people who did that stuff so here's my second hand account. I know that we were a pretty well funded shelter and we still reached capacity or close to it quite often especially during "kitten season" (summer and adjacent) and especially if there was something contagious going around (ringworm will haunt my nightmares). But we did work with a bunch of different organizations around the state that handled different things. This included setups with vets where they'd do discounted spay/neuters on specific days, organizing foster homes so that we could maximize capacity, a TNR program for cats who were feral and had no chance of being domesticated, and a barn cat program for the cats one step above feral. A few times, particularly when there was a natural disaster somewhere, we also had long distance transfers from other facilities where transportation was organized to transfer a bunch of animals from elsewhere in the state or a couple of times from out of state.

So, basically, she needs to see what options are out there. It sounds like the local shelters are beyond capacity (although they might be lighter outside of kitten season so maybe she shouldn't necessarily rule those out) so she could look into other options. I don't know what programs Texas might have but there might be something similar to the barn cat placements, outreach done by vets' offices, foster home organizing groups, and shelters that are not particularly local. It also sounds like this is an ongoing issue where she needs to figure out how to ditch the reputation as the house that'll take the cats. Maybe signs about a guard dog off leash?

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u/Pleasant_Ad_3303 Jan 27 '23 Silver

THIS but with any kind of animal. For context I rescue street dogs with my family in Mexico. We are able to afford to take and help with some complicated cases, treatment, dogs that need surgeries or puppies and their mom. We take those because there are a lot of rescuers that cannot afford that. Good practice is knowing exactly how you can help, when and how many pups you can house at the same time. Taking them, feeding them, vaccines, groomer, treatment, neutering them, basic training and finding them a home.

However there’s several rescuers that just become hoarders. They take any dog and many times the conditions are sooo bad that dogs were better off on the streets as they have crowded places filled with sick dogs, sometimes cannot afford to feed them, no medical care and the place is a mess.

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u/Easywood Jan 27 '23

Sheltering your kid from every possible problem.


u/Ceutical_Citizen Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

The whole stranger danger thing did a number on the American psyche. Never letting your kids out of the house unsupervised for fear of the unbelievably small chance of a random stranger kidnapping them has had far-reaching negative consequences for generations.


u/Patiod Jan 27 '23

For years in all weather, I walk our dog around the block in front of our house. There are so many dog-walkers in the neighborhood it's crazy sometimes.

At one house, the parents would be out on the porch, and their 4-5 year old son would be playing in the driveway and would ask me questions about my little dog, who always chose the telephone pole in front of their driveway to pee on. More the once the mother came flying off the porch screaming for the kid to get back in the house. I mean, there wasn't vehicle anywhere in sight that I could have use to abduct him in - it was just me - an unforgivably basic middle aged woman in knee-length shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops, with a little fluffy dog on a leash.

A day after one of mom's freak-outs, the kid approaches my dog and I and turns to his parents and yells "Is this the lady you said was scary and I shouldn't talk to?" I just looked at them and laughed, but I noticed that they literally never sat out on the porch again, and the kid was never in front of their house again. WTF kind of damage does that do to a kid?


u/the_lazykins Jan 28 '23

I feel this. Happened to me more than once because I don’t fit the Live Laugh Love Charcuterie Board making stereotype. I hope they realize what idiots they are some day.

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u/Ikrit122 Jan 27 '23

And it is far more likely that someone you know and trust will harm you rather than a stranger. My wife's parents really pushed the "you can only trust your family" bit, while ignoring that an uncle was abusing her. And that doesn't even include the emotional abuse inflicted by her mother...


u/userlyfe Jan 27 '23

This. My family sheltered us, but not from family… :(

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u/scootarded Jan 27 '23

Haiti did not have cholera. A disastrous earthquake hit Haiti in 2010, after the earthquake humanitarian forces from the UN arrived to help, and the Nepalese contingent reintroduced Cholera to Haiti. This epidemic has since infected approximately 850,000 people and killed over 10,000.


u/neuronexmachina Jan 27 '23

From the official UN report on that: https://www.ohchr.org/Documents/Issues/Poverty/ReportGA71st.docx

Cholera arrived in Haiti in October 2010, soon after the arrival of a new contingent of United Nations peacekeepers from a cholera-infected region. The scientific evidence now points overwhelmingly to the responsibility of the peacekeeping mission as the source of the outbreak. 9,145 persons have so far died and almost 780,000 have been infected.


u/Immediate-Win-4928 Jan 27 '23

And this isn't even the biggest crisis Haiti has on its plate right now

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u/t0f0b0 Jan 27 '23

If curses were real, Haiti would be the prime example of a cursed country.


u/hill-biscuit Jan 27 '23 Starry

Their history is an absolute monkey's paw. The national debt is an international disgrace, for just one example

Throw off your chains in a slave revolt?
Get a $105bn bill from your former slave owners for the lost revenue which you then struggle to pay for the next century



u/Saucepanmagician Jan 27 '23

Seriously that France (the losers) holds Haiti (the winners) accountable for losing a war?

When has that ever happened?


u/Canuck_Lives_Matter Jan 27 '23

Yeah typically they just reconquer the nation after rebuilding an army and quelling internal disputes, but I guess they decided it was more profitable for them to come back with their army and harass a massive debt out of them, than retake the island And fortify it against any of their maritime rivals. As Haiti to this day is unable to make repayments, I would say they were correct in that they got more money than they would have made running the country themselves. This is not to say it's not brutal, evil and greedy.

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u/Addwon Jan 27 '23

The introduction of non-native species as a means of solving an environmental problem.


u/paul_swimmer Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 28 '23

Hawaii resident here. It’s been the bane of our existence.

Invasive species goes all the way back to Polynesians. They brought pigs and chickens for food. They cause all sorts of problems now that they are wild.

We also have mongoose. Rats were decimating the local bird population. So the government released mongoose to handle the problem. However mongoose are Diurnal and rats are nocturnal. So instead of going after the rats, they went after the birds.

Cats. Brought as pets, now they are an ecological menace. They love eating the local birds. (See a pattern?)

Edit: Rats eat bird eggs, not the birds themselves. It has the same impact to the population though.


u/Addwon Jan 27 '23

I went to the Galapagos and noticed all the street cats were extremely skittish. The reason why didn't click with me until a guide explained how challenging it is to preserve the delicate ecosystem on the islands with the import of pets and livestock.

Don't get me wrong, I love cats. But they can spell devastation for local bird and rodent populations. Gotta do what you gotta do, which in this case is sadly extermination until people stop trying to bring them over.


u/OldKnucklePuck Jan 27 '23

It was an adjustment while traveling to some countries that cats aren't cute, clean, house pets, but are big murderous rats living in sewage. Had to train myself not to want to pet them.

On the other side of that, it clicked why rats can make good pets if they're not out living that feral sewer life.


u/csonny2 Jan 27 '23

We bought a hamster a few years ago for the kids, and the pet store said that rats are actually a much better rodent pet because they don't bite like hamsters do.


u/smoretank Jan 27 '23

Hamsters bite so much. Had some as a kid. My sister bred them. The dwarf hamsters were the nastiest ones. Super territorial and just plain mean. Teddy bear hamsters were much nicer. Sister got a rat and the difference in personality is astounding.

I stick to guinea pigs. Don't bite. Not as smart as rats but they live 3-4x longer. Rats generally only live a couple of years.


u/lizardgal10 Jan 27 '23

I had rats once. Couldn’t do it again because of the lifespan. The sweetest things, but I can’t handle losing a pet that frequently. I have a rabbit now. She’s a little jerk sometimes but gets away with it by being cute.


u/Direness9 Jan 27 '23

It really is hard because they have SO much personality and intelligence packed into that TINY body with a TINY lifespan. You fully mourn the loss of a good friend and pet every couple of years.

I tell myself I quit getting rats because my current girl cat is a vicious murder cat (she's destroyed two birds that accidentally got in our house), but the truth is I can't handle losing such good, sweet, lovely rats in such a short time anymore.


u/djsedna Jan 27 '23

The tragedy of the octopus

If those things lived more than 3 years and actually passed knowledge to their offspring, Jesus fuck. We'd all be slaves in OctoWorld


u/Missus_Missiles Jan 27 '23


Their smarts make them successful. But the whole dying after they fuck/lay eggs really holds them back. Maybe one day there will be an evolution where they don't self-destruct after mating.

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u/Sea2Chi Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

I dated a woman in college who got a rat one day. At first, I was kind of skeptical because it was a rat and at the time I thought rats were kind of gross.

That thing was so smart and loving though. It was a big cuddler with anyone and would play fetch with balled up paper. It even played with the dog and would seek it out to take naps on top of it. I don't think it ever intentionally bit anyone, maybe an accidental nip when taking a treat, but nothing out of anger.

But yeah, short lifespans suck.

I'm now trying to convince my wife we should get one because of how much personality they have.


u/RedCascadian Jan 27 '23

Had a roommate with rats. One liked to perch on my shoulder when I played computer games. I had long hair at the time and he'd just chill out and groom what he could reach. Cutest thing.


u/Direness9 Jan 27 '23

We used to take our rats out riding bikes with us. They'd hop into my purse or hide in my hair or tshirt, and off we'd go. They loved it! The other neighbor kids would stop us to ask if our rats were with us and if they were, we'd show them, and the ratties were pretty happy to get some pets.

We'd also play "pass the rattie" with our family, where we'd stand arm to arm with other family members, and the rats would scamper happily from family member to family member across our arms and shoulders, pausing to click and groom our ears.

They really were the sweetest pets. My sister adopted some rats from the human society that had been abused though, and they just couldn't deal with humans. Handling was terrifying for them and they'd nip. At least they were taken care of and not abused for the rest of their lives.

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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23



u/supposedlyitsme Jan 27 '23

The more I read this thread, the more I want rats

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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23



u/pocketcar Jan 27 '23

I came home at age 10, let my rat out on the best and gave her treats...and that's when my mom said come to the kitchen. I go back to my room and there is blood all over my bed and my rat was dead with a bloody nose. To this day it makes me sad that she died like that


u/megispj89 Jan 27 '23

That sounds really traumatic. I'm sorry you walked in to see your friend go like that.

I don't know if this is helpful at all, but rat snot and tears are made of a compound called porphyrin that looks like blood, but isn't. I don't know how gruesome this scene was, but if it was just a little, she might have sneezed some and fallen asleep with a little bit of a runny nose and then passed. It might not have been so bad for her - she fell asleep in a cozy place that smelled like her best friend.

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u/shmobo Jan 27 '23

When I was a kid, my older brothers friend who came over picked up my rat and threw it against the wall, killing it. I can't even blankly stare at walls anymore.


u/NoOneHereButUsMice Jan 27 '23

I've never wanted to punch a child in the face before, but I guess it's time.

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u/MentalDiscrepancies Jan 27 '23

Ooooh early Australians loved this game! Still paying for it today!


u/moistie Jan 27 '23

Cane toads, rabbits, foxes... * sigh *

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u/Vergenbuurg Jan 27 '23 Gold

Luckily, when winter rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.


u/Addwon Jan 27 '23 Starry

In case you're like me and didn't get the Simpsons reference at first.

This clip is perfect, thank you.


u/FelixTheJeepJr Jan 27 '23

I never understood why the need the gorillas to take care of the snakes, that’s what Whacking Day is for!

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u/EisConfused Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 28 '23 All-Seeing Upvote Starry

Those parents who solve all their kids issues and don't make them "stress" about consequences of their own actions. Their kids just turn into inept and entitled adults who still act 15 for decades and not only have a harder life for themselves but make life miserable for everyone around them too.


1)yes it's bad to go too far the other way, raising a child is a balancing act, I get that, but ignoring a child isn't usually from good intentions while spoiling them often is and that was the prompt :)

2) if this sounds like it happened to you, I promise you that you can get yourself out of the cycle. It sucks and it hurts and it's unpleasant, but you can do it if you want to. Get ready to fail, and then keep trying anyway. Persistence will be a new skill, and you will be bad at it. And that's okay.

You didn't do this to yourself, you don't need to feel shame. Digging yourself out however is something you'll be doing yourself, and you can take pride in every step you make it the right direction.


u/HardOff Jan 27 '23 Wholesome Seal of Approval

I've been watching the show Bluey with my baby boy recently, and there was an episode that got me to stop and really think.

Bluey and her dad are at a park, watching her younger sister and several other kids play on their own on the playground equipment. One by one, each of the kids started encountering difficulties that seemed overwhelming, but could be resolved easily if Bluey or her dad stepped in.

The dad, instead, told Bluey to "Just watch and see what happens." Each kid goes through a brief moment of despair before growing determined and trying a final time- and each one finds their own form of success.

The entire episode is about letting your kids to find solutions of their own! I had never been taught this.


u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23 Take My Energy

I have a policy with my kids- and I have to remind myself bc sometimes either it’s easier or the hurt in me wants to protect them/save them but what we have is this - if they are having trouble or difficulties with doing something ( homework, cleaning, project) or with people ( bullying etc) they can come talk to me and I ask is this just a talk or do you need me to help? Most of the time it’s no just a talk/vent- but a few times they have asked for help. It allows them to know I’m here for them and it gives them the ability to figure stuff out on their own but most importantly allows me to not jump in and try and fix everything for them. It’s not easy sometimes.


u/PepperFinn Jan 27 '23

My daughter, 5, (only child and grandchild on BOTH sides of the family, so always has at least 1 adult giving her fulll attention at all times), often comes to me and tattles/cries over a minor upset.

I mean something as little as a 3 yo friend grabbed a toy they were both playing with or someone she's playing with didn't do it the way she wanted. IMMEDIATELY she's over to me and wants me to fix it without trying anything herself.

I tell her take a breath and ask what she's done to try and fix it herself. Has she asked for the toy back or told him to stop? Has she said "I want you to do this" while playing? I always tell her "try to fix your own problems first. Come to me if you still need help, but you've got to be able to figure things out yourself. I won't always be here to help, you need to know how to do it.

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u/markedbeamazed Jan 27 '23

Zero tolerance in schools. Now the bullied kids are being punished.


u/Vakama905 Jan 27 '23

I agree that zero tolerance policies are stupid, but I have to say that, as a kid, it cleared up a lot of concerns for me about whether or not it would be worth it to fight back if someone started swinging at me.

Once they implemented that zero tolerance, there was never a question of, “can I stay out of trouble by not fighting back?”. As soon as a punch was thrown, whoever was on the receiving end had nothing to lose. One of my classmates, after finishing a fight he didn’t start, turned around and promptly did start a fight with the other guy’s friend, because he knew he was going to get suspended anyway and wanted to get his money’s worth.


u/markedbeamazed Jan 28 '23

That's why zero tolerance is bullshit. If you are going to get in trouble for defending yourself, might as well beat the bully's friends as well.

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u/raftsa Jan 27 '23


Surgery to fix the mentally unwell

It sounds so good: no more reliance on medication, you’re good from now on.

But it didn’t work.

The outcomes were awful and it was frequently done without any sort of consent

It all could have been shut down fairly quickly if people were honest about what was happening, but careers and money was at stake….so many unnecessarily suffered


u/Impidimpet Jan 27 '23

Several years ago I heard a case from the 50’s or so where a young boy was lobotomized for his poor behavior.

7 years old, lobotomized for being forgetful and reading late at night.


u/willowoftheriver Jan 27 '23

That's utterly horrific and inexcusable, but on the very, very small bright side, I did hear that children's brains were better able to rewire and "recover" themselves after the procedure than adults, leaving them more functional in the long term.

Again, not that it at all makes it okay, and they, of course, weren't ever the same as if nothing had been done to them.

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u/Additional_Rough_588 Jan 27 '23

there is a memoir written by a guy who had a lobotomy as a child called "my lobotomy" definitely worth reading.


u/somethinggeneric14 Jan 27 '23 Helpful

Here’s a summary All Things Considered


u/SnakeTaster Jan 27 '23

"I didn't," Rodney Dully replies, adding that Lou Dully was the one. "She took you... I think she tried some other doctors who said, '...there's nothing wrong here. He's a normal boy.' It was the stepmother problem."

Why would a father let this happen to his son?

"I got manipulated, pure and simple," Rodney Dully says. "I was sold a bill of goods. She sold me and Freeman sold me. And I didn't like it."

Jesus christ I had to stop reading, this section made me want to vomit.


u/Affectionate_Lie9308 Jan 27 '23

Yes, same. It’s so saddening. Absolutely heartbreaking to allow your spouse to destroy your child. The dad had believed he was completely innocent and whatever happened to his son wasn’t on him. His responsibility was to his 7year old son and he failed miserably.

Reading further, step-mother then kicked him out of his home and he became a ward of the state. He was 7 behaving like a normal 7 year old child and all the reasons she came up with, for him being a dangerous nuisance, were flimsy and not worth humoring.

Dad is a monster and just as evil as the 2nd woman he married.


u/RexHavoc879 Jan 28 '23

Let’s not forget the “doctor.” I hope that he and the step-monster are rotting together somewhere in the deepest circle of hell.

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u/mrshakeshaft Jan 27 '23

If I remember correctly, the preferred method was to go through the eye socket with an sharp tool and then wiggle it around to destroy the frontal lobes. I can’t imagine the sort of doctor who would come up with something like that


u/C0LdP5yCh0 Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

Walter *Friedman was the guy who pioneered and popularised the icepick lobotomy. He used to perform them in front of crowds of observers, and would sometimes do them with his non-dominant hand to show off. Absolute bastard.

*Freeman, not Friedman, as pointed out below.


u/Revolutionary-Meat14 Jan 27 '23

He also didnt practice proper sanitization and was incredibly quick with the procedure. Of his 3500 patients 500 died. Only a small fraction of the survivors showed improvement many became irritable, apathetic, or mentally disabled. JFKs sister got one and was rendered permanently disabled unable to speak.

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u/yelksoma Jan 27 '23

Walter Freeman, not Friedman

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u/Flying_Rainbows Jan 27 '23

Also interesting is that he would drive across the US in a van he called the 'lobotomobile'.

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u/SuperMack99 Jan 27 '23

I believe a Nobel prize was given for the creation of the procedure.


u/jayb2805 Jan 27 '23

Yep. Here's a video explaining that too, titled "The Worst Nobel Prize Ever Awarded": https://youtu.be/StrsvKSAbT8


u/edgelordjas Jan 27 '23

I read somewhere that the guy who got the Nobel prize was like ok only use this like as a real last resort and even then don’t but everyone ignored him

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u/Zemykitty Jan 27 '23

On a personal scale trying to help a really drunk person. I'm a woman and talkative and I started talking to another woman at a bar who was really really drunk. She told me her friends deserted her so I said she could hang out with me and my friends as it was my birthday (to keep an eye on her and because she seemed fun). Then she started falling off of chairs and spilling drinks so I encouraged her to get a cab. She started crying how everyone hates her as I was helping her outside but agreed to go home. I got a cab, paid for it because she was a mess, and all of the sudden she got really violent and ended up kicking me in the face trying to get out of the cab because she 'wasn't done'. She pushed me and told me to fuck off but ultimately sat back down in the cab crying.

We had already exchanged numbers so the next day she texted me apologizing profusely and asking if we could stay friends. I told her I appreciated her apology but no thanks.

I will always try to help people where I can but that turned me off from going above and beyond. Plus, you can rarely rationalize with really drunk and upset people.


u/LemurianLemurLad Jan 27 '23

I used to be a cabbie in a college town. I didn't try to rationalize with the drunks once they're problematic. I irrationalize with them. It's really easy to derail their problematic behavior by asking unexpected questions or saying some (non-upsetting) incorrect fact. "Do you think the Lions will win the Superbowl?" (The lions haven't EVER made it to the Superbowl)


u/centstwo Jan 27 '23

When I was a cab driver dealing with drunk people, I always repeated the last two words they said. That seemed to be the path of least resistance. I don't know why it worked.


u/Martian_Hikes Jan 28 '23

...it worked.


u/NurseColubris Jan 28 '23

It's called mirroring. It makes them feel listened-to and validated. Doesn't just work on drunks, but it's easier on them.

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u/ZeekLTK Jan 27 '23

Why we Lions fans gotta catch strays in here man? Coulda used the Browns instead.

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u/ImNotTheNSAIPromise Jan 27 '23

I feel like dynamite is a pretty great example, he literally just made it for mining and was so horrified by people using it on other people he made the Nobel peace prize.


u/infinitemonkeytyping Jan 27 '23

Add in that it was falsy reported that he'd died, so he got to read his own obituary, which made him see what his legacy would be (it was actually his brother who had died).

That led him to leave 94% of his fortune to the Nobel Foundation, who financially administer the awards.

Side note - it was interesting that all the awards are decided by Sweden, except the Peace Prize, which is awarded by Norway.

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u/Twokindsofpeople Jan 27 '23

Since the abysmal performance of American schools has been in the news recently, "No Child Left Behind" and it's replacement "Every Student Succeeds Act"

America has never had really good public education, but it used to be serviceable. NCLB came in to try and create some milestones and accountability. Instead it made the problem worse. ECSS came in and tried to address it's problems, but changed the stuff that wasn't the problem and left the bad parts unscathed.

Taken all together 57% of highschool GRADUATES can't read at a 7th grade reading level and over a quarter are functionally illiterate.


u/AffordableGrousing Jan 27 '23

On a related note, the development and implementation of “cueing” theory and similar non-phonics-based reading education was very well-intentioned but has turned out to be disastrous for actual reading comprehension. Unfortunately it’s still the prevalent model in many US school districts.

The recent podcast Sold a Story is a great distillation of the issue for anyone interested.

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u/krazykarl94 Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

Oh man. This really resonates with me. My brother taught middle school history in a very low income area in the south. This comment could be a post of it's own about what's wrong with low income area schools, but I just want to relate one thing that always baffled me.

Hardly any of the kids could read.

You read that right. 12 & 13 year old kids couldn't read and could hardly spell their names. On top of that, there were behavioral problems that went completely unchecked. These kids were just allowed to do whatever they wanted, they'd repeat the mandatory grade, and then they'd be passed along to be the next teacher's problem.

My brother didn't teach any history those few years. Instead his job was to teach them how to read and to stop them from fighting, fucking, and selling each other pot. It sounds unbelievable, I know, but the apathy that NCLB caused created this giant behavioral problem and is actively setting back these low income communities. These kids are doomed from the start and nobody cares. The people who try to help are quickly burnt out due to the complete lack of support and cronyism that forms in the school system. I love this country, but our public school systems are a fucking train wreck

Edit: a few people have added this in the replies, and I was trying to keep this comment relatively simple and neglected to add this as directly as I should have. The families were largely not in the picture. They were either in jail or didn't care. Maybe a grandparent here and there watched the kids. These kids did whatever they wanted and when they got to school, they didn't listen to anyone. So it was in part the absence of the family, but also the school didn't do anything either. Both are the problem


u/guineapigtyler Jan 27 '23

In my experience in highschool I literally have to take advanced classes to not be relearning the basics we learned the previous years because they just just pushed along to the next grade. Dont even get me started on how much covid made this worse.


u/iHateRollerCoaster Jan 27 '23

In my classes it's like the first half of the year is a review of last year and the second half is new and it repeats next year.


u/guineapigtyler Jan 27 '23

I learned if I literally dont take ap or honors courses i will end up spending 2/3rds of the year reviewing what we already learned


u/StinkyKittyBreath Jan 27 '23

I was in high school in the 00s, and that's how it was then. Scheduling conflicts made it so I had to take a couple of regular classes instead of AP/honors. I always finished the daily classwork and homework within the first half of the period and just did my own thing for the rest of class.

Honors classes weren't exactly rigorous, but it was at least a challenge. And AP classes helped prepare me for college with how much work I did. I took AP biology in high school but eventually had to retake college bio because it had been too long since taking a biology class for the program I wanted to get into for my second degree. My high school AP bio class covered more material than my college bio class! My school was shit, but having a dedicated teacher, a small class (intro science courses can have massive numbers of students), and a group of students who were all focused? It made a huge difference.

If you're still in high school, take advantage of as many of those classes as you can. They helped me so much not just with my specific degree, but also transitioning to the workload that comes with college. If there is a subject you want to take that doesn't have honors or AP? Ask your guidance counselor about running start. I've had high school kids in some of my intro college courses on campus, and it seems to work well for them.

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u/Much_Difference Jan 27 '23 Starry

Most moral panics?

Stranger Danger: convincing people in the 1970-90s that hundreds of thousands of American children were being yoinked into random cars by evil strangers each year, while downplaying and underfunding the resources that could actually help decrease child abduction.

Child abductions not only never came anywhere near those huge numbers, but it was and still is nearly always a custodial issue or a very close family member. Teaching people to be wary of kidnapping is great; directing all their fears toward vague spooky strangers and not helping people learn how to actually prevent kidnapping is kinda shit.


u/cylonfrakbbq Jan 27 '23

The bigger impact was on the kids born in the late 90s and onward. The “stranger danger” era basically created an entire generation of paranoid helicopter parents


u/ImpossiblePackage Jan 27 '23 All-Seeing Upvote

Most likely also directly contributed to the end of communities and increased isolation


u/ItsAll42 Jan 27 '23

Yes! I've been screaming this for years. We are in a loneliness epidemic for a few reasons I'd wager, but this seems to be a no-brainer of a massive contributing factor.

My mom speaks blissfully about her childhood, running through the streets of bikes with her friends, playing games and exploring, all with a community of adults who'd more or less keep an eye out. Even as she recognized how important that was for her own development, the whole stranger danger combined with cultural satanic panic meant that her own children were effectively on lockdown. To some of her credit, she couldn't have if she wanted to because it was such a widespread cultural phenomenon and parents were all to eager to snitch on each other, and as a single mom, mine didn't have time for additional scrutiny, but this was a massive dynamic change.


u/DungeonsandDoofuses Jan 27 '23

Your last point is so true. I want badly to have free range kids like I was, but people literally get CPS called on them for giving their kids the kind of freedom I had, and because it’s not the norm there aren’t any other kids out there for them to play with anyway.


u/simononandon Jan 27 '23

Some friends of mine knew those punk parents in Brooklyn that let their teenage daughter watch their younger kid while they went to a bar/show.

My older sister used to do that for my parents all the time. My parents weren't going to punk shows, but they were probably going out to dinner with friends & having a few drinks out on the town.

Those punk parents in like 2017 got CPS called on them & crucified on social media. I bet those punks are way better parents than my emotionally distant but conservative mom & dad.


u/schmuckmulligan Jan 27 '23

The problem was living in Brooklyn. You can't be around rich people and not uphold their norms without being crucified by them.

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u/still_dream Jan 27 '23

Not to mention the generation of anxious kids

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u/CaptainCAAAVEMAAAAAN Jan 27 '23

Oh as a kid of the 80's my favorite was the Satanist panic! lol Someone walking in the woods found some animal bones, and that night on the news they would ask, "could this be a sign of animal sacrifice?".


u/notbobby125 Jan 27 '23

“Dungeons and Dragons is a path to the Satanic! Watch as they conduct the ritual!”

Some nerds throws dice on the table. “Does a 15 save?”

“No, take…” dice roll noises “16 damage.”


u/TigLyon Jan 27 '23

"They are performing spells and rituals!!"

Trust me, if casting a Fireball was as easy as saying "I cast Fireball" I would have leveled Congress ages ago.


u/Z4mb0ni Jan 27 '23

I cast burning hands! a flame washes over everything in a 15 foot cone in front of my outstreached fingers! Roll your saves, mortal!

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u/ristoril Jan 27 '23

This one really haunts me these days as I see so many people just being isolated when they're in public. I have very vague memories from the early 80s where as a kid I was encouraged to be friendly and talk to everyone (if I felt like it) in any circumstance. Lots of adults (seemed to) genuinely enjoy talking to me about whatever stupid kid stuff I was interested in.

Then by the late 80s it was like a switch shut off in the social fabric of neighborhood and streets. Kids were (taught to be) afraid of everyone. Parents assumed every adult talking to a kid was a predator. People didn't want to approach kids for fear of being perceived as such.

That shit endures. It's not like those of us who grew up in that environment can just drop that. And I'm sure we're passing it on to our children.

Instead of sticking with "be careful" they went with "every adult you don't know is trying to kidnap you!"



u/CaptainJAmazing Jan 27 '23

Someone, I wanna say a news org, did an experiment where they put a small kid off to the side in a crowded mall and had him look scared and alone. No one came up and helped him. When they asked why, everyone said “I didn’t want people to think I was a pedophile.”


u/SweetToothFairy Jan 27 '23

Dude.... Here's my story on this. I was driving in our subdivision 4 years ago and saw 2 kids on the sidewalk, with one on the ground in pain. I stopped and asked if they're okay or if they need help, and the other little kid just started yelling "Stranger Danger" or something similar really loud. I just drove off.


u/ristoril Jan 27 '23

Oh you can bet a huge number of adults who grew up in the 80s and 90s are passing that BS along to their kids.

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u/urmomaisjabbathehutt Jan 27 '23

During one of china's extreme dry seasons (think of their dust bowl period) Mao ordered the killing of birds to prevent bird eating seeds and so increase agricultural productivity

instead what happened is that birds that feeded on plants pests were killed making the situation even worse and resulting on the death of millions

a bad dry season, deforestation, missuse of pesticides and a war against nature under his belief that conquring nature was the way to inprove agricultural yield and so the welbeing of their citizens

stupid uninformed decisions even if semingly rational to a layman resulting in one of the biggest human and ecological cost disasters

we still making such decisions from time to time, sometimes for profit on the belief that such will benefit all and sometimes for genuine good reasons

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u/DapperSmoke5 Jan 27 '23

Federally backed student loans. Once money was guaranteed, colleges jacked up tuition and continue to do so, with no end in sight.


u/Chestnut_Bowl Jan 27 '23

Also, the US Government made bankruptcy involving student loans impossible.

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u/afwaltz Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 28 '23 Heartwarming Awesome Answer

George W Bush admin created subsidies on corn to promote the production of ethanol to be used in fuel, etc. Better for the environment and so forth. Couple of downstream effects:

1) Ethanol in fuel lowers the fuel efficiency, so you have to buy gas more frequently (more of an inconvenience, but that's why fuel with no ethanol is usually slightly more expensive).

2) Corn sold for other purposes than ethanol didn't qualify for the subsidies, so there was a strong financial incentive to sell to ethanol produces instead of for food. This drove the price of food corn (and food that uses corn-derived ingredients) up, affecting poor people the most.

3) The financial incentives were so strong that farmers were buying up cheap land in areas that were very unsuitable for corn production or switching away from crops that would grow more easily if they couldn't afford more land. In western Kansas, corn needs to be heavily irrigated in order to grow. There is an enormous aquifer that stretches from South Dakota to the Texas panhandle. Increased irrigation combine with a years-long drought drained the aquifer to the point that the city of Hays has to truck their water in.

Edited to add line breaks.

Edited again to say thank you for the awardsand the likes, kind strangers!


u/APr0N00b Jan 27 '23

Why do so many fuckups revolve around corn?

Corn subsidies have also lead to corn syrup being mass used as a sweetener.


u/huhIguess Jan 27 '23

Everyone always highlights the negatives, but if I remember correctly, corn - and corn byproducts - were identified as one of those resources that ensured national security in the event that certain critical resources were cut off internationally.

Subsidies ensure that corn is ALWAYS over produced to guarantee that even in the event of environmental or farm catastrophes there will never be a national shortage.

Overproduction then leads to lower prices - so it's used in everything.


u/dxbigc Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

I've written about these a few times before, but this is essentially true of all agricultural subsidies. Their greatest importance is national security, not a reduction of equilibrium prices during "normal" times.

You essentially want your agricultural output at near maximum always, because events that can cause supply shortages are difficult to predict. Look at the egg situation right now. Let's say the Avian flu starts hitting commercial meat chickens hard and then we have an outbreak of mad cow and then extreme drought in Nebraska this summer. Quickly an inconvenience issue regarding the price of eggs has morphed into significant shortages in the food supply. Agricultural production can't be spun up quickly.

But why is this a national security issue? For every conceivable issue, there are some people who will "riot" because of it. Everyone will riot over real, significant food shortages. It can destroy a society faster than foreign invaders, political scandals, or just about anything else.


u/DahhhBills Jan 27 '23

People do take a stable food supply for granted. It’s hard to even imagine not being able to procure food for yourself or your family. I can’t imagine how quickly civil society would break down if this was not the case.

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u/Addwon Jan 27 '23 Gold

No Child Left Behind


u/The_Pastmaster Jan 27 '23

Most moronic project ever. Oh, this school has bad grades? Lets SLASH FUNDING!


u/mdp300 Jan 27 '23

My mom just retired after many years working in education. Back when NCLB first started, she showed me a letter someone wrote to a newspaper opposing it:

Paraphrased: say there's a dentist in a rural area, where lots of their patients have cavities and other problems. That dentist takes Medicaid because it's a poor area, and then Medicaid looks at their records and says "wow, your patients have a lot of cavities! That means you're not doing a good job and we're going to cut your funding off."

No Child Left Behind is essentially the same as that. Schools with failing grades need help, not punishment.


u/veni_vedi_veni Jan 27 '23

the beatings will continue until morale improves

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u/Science_Matters_100 Jan 27 '23

This is the best analogy that I have ever seen for NCLB. Thank you!

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u/felonius_thunk Jan 27 '23

And then we'll move the goal posts every year! You know, as an incentive to do better! It's sure to work! Bootstraps!

And with the double whammy where I live of the state consistently failing to meet its own education spending requirements, it had a cascading effect still felt today.

Poorer districts with low tax bases still don't have even the most basic art or music programs and continue "teaching to the test" while richer ones just a mile down the road offer anything you can think of. It's fucking insane.

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u/tobythedem0n Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

Yeah. There was a kid in one of my high school English classes that just couldn't read. Like at all.

I felt sorry for the kid, but his inability to read while in a regular English class held the rest of us up.

Sometimes a kid needs to be held back.

ETA: I know NCLB doesn't mean kids aren't held back. I meant that this kid needed more time. He hadn't been getting the education and attention he needed, and he certainly wasn't proficient.


u/TorturedChaos Jan 27 '23

Or at the very least they shouldn't be in regular class with everyone else for the subjects they struggle in. They should be in a class that gives them the extra help they need so they can, hopefully, get caught up with the rest of their class.

I spent 2nd through 7th grade in Special Ed just for Language (reading, , writing, and spelling specifically). By the end of 7th grade my teachers, my parents and myself felt I had reached my grade level on those topics and I could rejoin the regular class for 8th grade. They still checked in with me through 8th grade tho.

To this day I am VERY grateful for all the teachers that cared enough about my education to ensure that I received a good education.

My wife has a similar story, but with math and in high school.

Sadly, there are plenty of schools out there that do not offer extra help like that for many reasons, often lacking of funds. I also have heard from several people that grew up in larger cities that their teachers just didn't seem to care - too many kids and not enough teachers I imagine.

One of the few benefits of going to a small rural school (k-8th, up to about 200 students my 8th grade year), was class sizes were all reasonable and teachers had time to care about individual students.

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u/BlackOrre Jan 27 '23

We call it All Sense Left Behind in my profession.


u/theganjaoctopus Jan 27 '23

No Child Gets Ahead is what my mom and her teacher friends always called it.

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u/Metric_Pacifist Jan 27 '23

'Helping' someone by enabling them in their self destructive behaviours. Sometimes you help someone by denying them what they say they want.

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u/Cryptic_Statue Jan 27 '23

BalloonFest of '86.

They released 1.5 million balloons in Cleveland for a world record and it literally impeded the Coast Guard in the rescue for two fishermen (Raymond Broderick and Bernard Sulzer) who died because they didn't get to them in time.

It shut down the airport, highways, it caused traffic accidents. Bulldozers had to be used to clear the way.

It was all for charity. People still find balloon remnants in the water.


u/alldayerrdaym8 Jan 27 '23

The r/AmITheAsshole comment section


u/CarmenxXxWaldo Jan 27 '23

I saved a baby from a burning building but had to break a window in the process, aita???


u/HulaHoop2192 Jan 27 '23

YTA that’s criminal damage because it’s not your window, you swine!!! Get therapy. And a divorce. And a lawyer.


u/AI_AntiCheat Jan 27 '23

ESH your comment is rude and innapropiate.

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u/magicalhealing Jan 27 '23

Why didn’t you just walk out through the front door? YTA

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u/LeAlthos Jan 27 '23

Also, is it just me or do people in these subs just talk ... weirdly? They kinda sound like parents scolding their children, armchair therapists or a "hell yea, slaaaaaaaaaaaay qween" parody


u/Snatch_Pastry Jan 27 '23

I'm pretty sure that a lot of those responses are younger people without much life experience, but are sure they know everything. Like many of us were at that age.

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u/Bierbart12 Jan 27 '23

Keeping on trying to help someone so desperately that you lose sight of your own actions and end up hurting everyone around you by neglecting your own health and becoming overly defensive of that person, even insulting and attacking others for them.

This can happen too fast when you fall in love with a bad person


u/doowgad1 Jan 27 '23

"Don't set yourself on fire because someone else is chilly."


u/I-am-a-me Jan 27 '23

My life significantly improved after I learned this lesson

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u/CryptographerMore944 Jan 27 '23

I used to fall into this trap myself because I don't like other people being unhappy. But you have to face the grim reality that you just CANNOT help someone who either does not want to or will not help themselves. People who do not have the desire or initiative to stick with positive changes to their lives will just keep dragging you down with them.

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u/youngmcdonald85 Jan 27 '23

The D.A.R.E program


u/Dodgimusprime Jan 27 '23 All-Seeing Upvote

Best thing that came out of DARE was when a wasp got into the classroom and my 5th grade teacher grabbed the DARE binder and smashed the insect while loudly proclaiming “how DARE you!”


u/ArcherA87 Jan 27 '23 Wholesome Seal of Approval

"And THAT'S why you don't do drugs, kids!"

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u/CutEmOff666 Jan 27 '23

Whoever decided DARE of all things was a good name for an anti drug program is a massive idiot.


u/Apple-nator Jan 27 '23

“I DARE you to snort these lines, Kate!”

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u/deadbird17 Jan 27 '23

Drugs Are Really Expensive


u/Expensive-Ad-4508 Jan 27 '23

I was told I would be offered copious free drugs to get me hooked in the dare program. It never happened. I always had to pay a copay.

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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23


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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23

In Australia our equivalent was the "Life Education Van" where a van would come with this fuckin guy in a giraffe suit (wow sounds really suss when I put it like this) would come teach everyone about how drugs are bad.

A mate helped with some stuff at the school and told me how they'd come educate the students and then later the people running it would just smoke cones once everybody had left.


u/ANeuroticDoctor Jan 27 '23

My memories of healthy Harold were that there was a hand puppet of the giraffe. I got to use it once, and I felt like I was touching a thousand children's dirty sweaty hands all at once. But being in the van was cool (mood wise, probs pretty hot temp wise) and dark

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u/Nomadic_View Jan 27 '23

Damn Geoffrey really hit hard times since Toys R Us closed down.

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u/Marco_Memes Jan 27 '23

My schools drug program (not actually DARE but something similar) started right as covid hit and we got through one lesson where the cop told us how many people want to sell us drugs and how they make you feel so good, and then said he would tell us the dangers and problems next lesson. But literally the next day, school gets shut down for the virus, and we never saw that cop again. So he gave a bunch of 7th graders a lesson on how fun drugs are and how you can get them anywhere, and then never gave the full part 2 on why drugs arnt good. And now my high school has a drug problem

Looking back, his approach might not have been the best because his plan was to give a bunch of very impressionable kids a lesson on how fun drugs are with only a few sentences on why their bad, and then to let that solidify in our minds for a week


u/Krinks1 Jan 27 '23

"It takes all the bad feelings, and turns them into good feelings! You don't want none of that!"

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u/CylonsInAPolicebox Jan 27 '23

They really fucked up by over hyping the dangers of pot. Like you smoke marijuana once and you will die... They thought it would make kids avoid all drugs by comparing it to harder drugs like coke or meth, but all it did was make kids take the harder drugs less seriously. Know a few people who tried pot after DARE and was like they lied, it wasn't that bad, and so they tried harder stuff because they doubted how bad as it actually was.

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u/LibbyUghh Jan 27 '23

The beginning of any political journey I suspect


u/f_ranz1224 Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

The wire did this really well with carcetti. Young idealist who sees all the flaws with the system gradually devolve as he moves up the ladder


u/RealLameUserName Jan 27 '23

Imo Carcetti and most of the political storylines in The Wire really demonstrate the nuances and quandaries of politics that hasnt really been effectively emulated.

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u/pharmacy_guy Jan 27 '23

gradually devolve as he moves up the ladder

"Chaos is a ladder"

-Same actor, different character

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u/PeopleEatingPeople Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

A lot of old programs centered around weight and eating disorders just led to kids being more conscious about being judged about their weight despite the intentions of wanting to prevent bullying or healthy weight. It did not even matter if it was anti-anorexia or wanting to decrease obesity. Also in my school they showed us pro-ana sites with like a ''beware!'' message and I also could not help thinking that this talk was the only reason I knew they existed.

Currently the focus is more on eating healthy instead of weight. Still has some pitfalls, such as orthorexia.


u/BirdsLikeSka Jan 27 '23

Yep, not weighing myself or counting calories is the healthiest way for me to eat. Had an eating disorder as a kid with some obsessive habits

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u/Faoroth Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

I recall hearing that the person behind the 'like' function of Facebook legitimately just saw it as a nice way for people to show others what they like, or a way to positively react on things - it turned out that it had/has a huge negative impact on social congnition, such as teenagers, especially girls unfortunately, developing depression.

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u/Dikkolo Jan 27 '23

Classifying smart kids with high functioning autism as "gifted" and putting them in separate or older kid classes where they don't really learn to socialize while crushing their childhoods with academic responsibilities and telling them they're special.

They probably thought they were gonna create a generation of rocket scientists, and I'm sure there are a few, but mostly it just resulted in people totally unprepared for adulthood with severe self esteem issues.

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u/layendecker Jan 27 '23

The invention of social media.

When Tom was working at Friendster, I genuinely believe he wanted to build something that allowed people to socialise and communicate in a new and modern way.

On paper, early MySpace is a brilliant concept that made a lot of people realise the potential of the internet.

This concept was that mutilated and turned into what social media is today. Quite possibly the single most socially damaging invention that ever happened. Far away from bringing people closer together, it has turned into a tool that is tearing people further apart, making them feel more disconnected with society than ever- and instead of democratising discussion, it has put even more power into the hands of the elite.

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u/zonghundred Jan 27 '23

Adobe Flash


u/BlubberKroket Jan 27 '23

To be honest, I loved making animations in Flash. That was real fun.


u/thesbaine Jan 27 '23

The editor was great for what it was. If it wasn't for all those pesky vulnerabilities I suspect that there'd still be websites using it.

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u/rd_rd_rd Jan 27 '23

I only know Flash from my childhood games and old websites, what's the dark side of flash?

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u/HappiHappiHappi Jan 27 '23

There is a series on YouTube "Great Moments in Unintended Consequences" which has many examples.

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u/tandoori_taco_cat Jan 27 '23

Letting a friend stay on your couch until 'they get back on their feet'.

It usually results in the end of the friendship, and occasionally - an eviction process involving police.

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u/GunasInFlux Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 28 '23 Silver 'MURICA

My mom called my Christian university (that 17 year old me attended by my parents behest) to inform the school that I was smoking weed, drinking, and having sex. She thought because it was a Christian university, they would put me into a counseling program to get me “back on track.” The school told me to pack my bags, leave immediately and they rescinded the 80% scholarship I obtained, causing me to owe the full 100% for that semester which I’m still paying off a decade later.

  • Edit: this comment is getting a lot of traction so I figured I’d add another nugget. After getting kicked out of college, my 18th birthday was the next month. My parents somehow (my dad is a tech nerd so he could hack any account I had) found out that I was going to have a party at a friend’s house to celebrate. There was alcohol and weed at the party. Low and behold my parents called the state police and alerted them of the party. I and 3 other friends got arrested that night. Most charges were dropped or expunged eventually.

  • Edit 2: thank you to everyone for your responses! There’s too many comments and dms to reply to so I will answer some here:

  • For those saying I got what I deserved or my mom was justified - It takes 2 to tango. My choices played a role for sure. This story was a response to the prompt about good intentions going sideways. My mom had good intentions when she alerted the school of my activity. She didn’t want me to get kicked out and still be paying for it years later but that’s what happened. I don’t claim sainthood in this scenario. I broke the rules knowingly.

  • How did my mom know about the partying/sex? I visited home for a weekend and she went through my bags while I was in the shower. She found condoms and a bottle of liquor. She already knew I’d been smoking weed here and there for a couple years at this point.

  • I said my dad “hacked” my online accounts to discover I was throwing a party. Excuse my lack of intelligent tech vocabulary there. He had a program or software where he could track key strokes to then discover passwords to my accounts or something along those lines. Similar to what they used to monitor the computers in my high school.

  • How is my relationship with my parents now? It’s great. I have forgiven them completely. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel some resentment now and again. Their choices (and mine even more so) made my life very difficult. At my lowest point, I made a plan to kill myself. All of my dreams and potential seemed crippled by debt and a lack of gainful employment opportunities. I lived in a town (technically a village) of 300 people in rural north east, USA. Thankfully, before I was able to harm myself too badly or permanently, I had a “mystical” experience. During that experience, I saw my situation, my parents, myself, and reality from a perspective that was not my own regular waking consciousness. I saw that I could choose to perpetuate pain and suffering by holding onto anger, hate, and resentment for my parents and myself for the choices we made. I saw it was possible to feel joy, to forgive, to repair, to heal. My life didn’t instantly become better the next day, but my perspective shifted to where I wanted to repair the damage that was done. “Anger is the 2nd wound your enemy inflicts upon you” was very applicable in my situation. I could let the anger and hurt dictate what my life would look like or I could choose to cultivate joy, come what may. Holding onto anger and resentment was another form of allowing my parents to control me. The real “power move” is to forgive. To release the hold your “enemy” (for lack of a better term) has over your life through your unhappiness. Behind true forgiveness is where we find freedom. Much love, Reddit.


u/tipdrill541 Jan 27 '23

Did she regret her decision?


u/GunasInFlux Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

Eventually, yes. Edit: more detail, she and I are actually close now after making amends years later. She realized how naive she was (and still kinda is). It took me a while to forgive her but I eventually did. In some sick way she was trying her best. Unfortunately, her ignorance and naivety made her best pretty shitty at the time.


u/BonerTurds Jan 27 '23 All-Seeing Upvote

Sounds like you’re trying to tell us the road to hell is paved with good intentions.


u/IngoVals Jan 27 '23

Hey, there is a reddit post about that going on right now.


u/robbviously Jan 27 '23

Thanks, I'll have to check it out

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u/QuailRock Jan 27 '23

My money's on "she somehow blamed her child rather than the school"

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u/thugwanka Jan 27 '23

my mom called the cops on me when I was 18 after finding a joint in my backpack

she thought they would just “give me a scare”

I almost got arrested, had to get a lawyer and actually testimony to the narcotics PD in my city

to this day she will pretend it never happened


u/wildgoldchai Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23

Similarly, I know someone whose mum was physically and verbally abusive to her. One day, she punched her mum back in attempt to stop her mum from beating her. Mum called the police and she was incredibly good at playing the victim. The girl was arrested as she was 19 at the time.

But then all the abuse was unpacked, mum was arrested and the rest of the children taken away. Their dad got custody in the end. Karma


u/hisroyalbonkess Jan 27 '23

That makes me violently angry.

My MIL used to hit my wife when she was very very young, but her Dad wouldn't have it. After he passed, one time, while MIL was driving, she was arguing with my wife who was 17 at the time and MIL punched her in the face. My wife knew in that moment if she let it happen, it would continue, so she punched her in the face back, twice as hard.

Remember people, if it could be your parents, IT COULD BE ANYONE.


u/PaintedLady1 Jan 27 '23

When my boyfriend was the same age he punched his dad in the face in self defense and his dad never hit him again.

Some people are so tiny brained and mean that violence is apparently the only answer.


u/hisroyalbonkess Jan 27 '23

Which is very sad. Oh well, universal languages are universal for a reason.

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u/Take_a_hikePNW Jan 27 '23

My step mom is a bully. She and my dad married about 3 months after my moms sudden death when I was 16. The day I moved out was because I was having a conversation with my dad, and she wanted to butt in. It was not her business (it was a school thing or something). Anyway, she pushed me and then sort of body blocked me, preventing me from speaking to him through a doorway. I had two choices; let this person assault me, or let her know that I won’t be another person she can bully. I was an athlete and strong and she did not expect me to shove her back. She went down to the ground, tried to get back, and all I said was “get up and I’ll make sure you stay down the second time”. That was 18 years ago, and she’s never so much as looked at me sideways since.

To be clear, I am NOT a violent or physical person, but my DAD taught me to never start a fight, but to finish it. And no, he didn’t step in and help, which is how I ended up living on my own at 16.


u/hisroyalbonkess Jan 27 '23

she’s never so much as looked at me sideways since.

Taught the bully a lesson! I'm sorry for your loss and awful circumstances.


u/Take_a_hikePNW Jan 27 '23 Take My Energy

I’m sorry to 16 year old me, too! My mom was a kind person who was not physically violent or a bully, and so this kind of behavior was foreign to me. I left, not because of her, but because I realized the choice my dad made and it just left me feeling so alone and angry. I don’t think she would have put her hands on me again because she realized this 16 year old could hold her own, she would be the one going to jail. Regardless, what a shit decision my dad made that day.

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u/RedCascadian Jan 27 '23

Isn't it just great when parents prioritize the person they're fucking over their own children?


u/writtenbyrabbits_ Jan 27 '23

My mom did this to me. It destroyed our relationship for the rest of her life. We tried to move past it many times but she was still with him until she died and she kept on choosing him so the wound just couldn't ever close.

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u/Nixeris Jan 27 '23

I'll poke a little at my fellow leftists here.

Plastic bags.

Back in the late 90s there was a huge push for people to stop using paper grocery bags because of the amount of trees being cut down for paper.

Unfortunately, it turns out the logging industry can be pretty sustainable (though not entirely faultless!) and plastic bags are unrecyclable and so thin that reuse is uncommon. Instead contributing to massive amounts of plastic pollution in the environment.

Another example is the protest against hunting white tailed deer. Unfortunately we killed their natural predators, and hunting is an effective way of keeping their population at sustainable levels.


u/Test19s Jan 27 '23

The solution to unsustainable forestry is sustainable forestry, not plastic.

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u/ksoss1 Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 28 '23


My uncle took me and my brother in because he wanted us to get a good education. My mom and dad agreed as they knew that my uncle would be able to give us a better shot at making something of ourselves. My uncle's intentions were good.

However, my uncle's wife made our lives hell. She basically mistreated us and my uncle was unable to do anything about it. So his inaction made him complicite.

Even through the hardships, my brother and I still managed to get an education, but my uncle's reputation was affected negatively. Family members don't see him the same way and his wife is really disliked (to put it mildly).

It started with good intentions, but it didn't end well for my uncle.


Hey guys, I appreciate all the comments and perspectives shared. I'm not sure why this post has gained so much attention, but maybe it's because it resonates with a lot of people.

In conclusion, I want to say that what my brother and I went through as teenagers shaped us. My uncle's wife may have believed she was inflicting pain, but in retrospect, she was unknowingly instilling resilience in us. Sometimes when you think you're hurting people, you're inadvertently teaching them the skills that will contribute to their success.

What we went through definitely contributed to our success at different stages of our lives:

-- In university, it gave us the motivation to work hard and excel as we knew it was the key to financial independence and freedom from family influence (including from my uncle and his wife).

-- As adults, it has helped us handle the challenges of work and business and achieve success.

-- Additionally, it has taught us about the kind of women we really don't want to associate ourselves with. I will never be with a woman who mistreats my family. It's not even an option, nor is it negotiable.

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u/001235 Jan 27 '23

My parents thought that if they brought us kids to church every week (Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and all day Sunday), had us go to private religious schools, and made us volunteer for religious organizations, we'd stay out of trouble and be as zealous as they are. As soon as each of us could, we ran away and never looked back. One of my sisters won't attend a funeral if its in a church!

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