r/AskReddit • u/Gotic_Girl-333 • Jan 28 '23
What are the worst things people romanticize?
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u/Paxdog1 Jan 28 '23
Stalking as "never giving up".
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u/External_Recipe_3562 Jan 28 '23
I blame all those romantic comedies. They teach guys to be creepy and girls not to be happy unless you are dating.
It's like Porn but without the post nut clearity.
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u/Penna_23 Jan 28 '23
immediately thought of Waitress, a musical with the controlling husband as the bad guy and the stalking boyfriend as the good guy
and 50 Shades Of Grey too
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u/External_Recipe_3562 Jan 28 '23
I understand why women like 50 shades of grey. It really is porn for women. It's not meant to be a wholesome movie. Which is why it was more targeting women who have been married for a while.
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u/Dire-Dog Jan 28 '23
If 50 Shades took place in a trailer park it would have been an episode of Criminal Minds.
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u/External_Recipe_3562 Jan 28 '23
Because it's a fantasy. Women don't want to fuck garth from the trailer park. Guys wanna do anal. Doesn't mean its gonna happen. That's why it's a fantasy.
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u/ghjvxz45643hjfk Jan 28 '23
I love the movie Waitress, which is not a musical m but sounds similar.
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u/AdmiralClover Jan 28 '23
I texted and otherwise hung out with my wife for like a year, even after she rejected my confession i "accepted" her answer and just kept at it until she fell for me. It was a friendship to love, but depending on how you tell it I can sound like some kind of creep
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u/Acceptable_Regret_97 Jan 28 '23
I liked a girl from the start of high school until the end, she rejected me, but we kept being friends, and slowly she started liking me, after almost 5 years we dated and had a relationship for over 2 years
Fast forward 10 years later, im married, she’s in a relationship, but she’s still have a great friendship
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u/Ecstatic-Macaron-669 Jan 28 '23
This guy and i met in 5th grade, and in middle school he confessed his liking towards me. I rejected him all the way up until senior year . Were now married
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u/WhoWhaaaa Jan 28 '23
Sex on the beach directly on the sand. Who wants sand in all their nooks and crannies?
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u/MintBerryCrunchJr Jan 28 '23
It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.
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u/RodMunch85 Jan 28 '23
I always wondered why Anni hated it so much. Now I understand
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u/buddypalamigo25 Jan 28 '23
Serial killers
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u/Penna_23 Jan 28 '23
either "he's pretty so he can do no wrong!" or "his victims deserves it he's a handsome hero" or "b-but he's just a misunderstood guy with a golden heart!"
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u/mymang-goistoblowup Jan 28 '23
Who the fuck says any of this?
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u/Miss-Phryne-Fischer Jan 28 '23
Fans of The Mentalist.
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u/jomacblack Jan 28 '23
What? I don't remember him murdering people? Unless you mean the very end?
If anything I'd choose dexter for this example
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u/Krithicsri Jan 28 '23
Mafia And Stalking
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u/BigThistyBeast Jan 28 '23
Gang related stuff, some rap and drill music romanticizes killing peoples family members and other horrible actions.
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u/NotYourSnowBunny Jan 28 '23
Right? Mobsters aren’t good guys.
Back in my drug days people always tried to encourage mafia like thinking and attitudes, in rehab they didn’t want me to transition and told me to think like John Gotti.
It’s such a toxic subculture to be apart of. Dead, institutionalized, or in prison. 3 choices.
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u/Dont_Copy_Me112 Jan 28 '23
Espaecially mafia, it isn’t some 60 year old high profile boss, it’s a bunch of homocidal lunatics who will do anything for money.
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u/MoonfrostTheElf Jan 28 '23
Depression.
I'm telling you about the struggles that I face every single day. I don't want you to call me an "uwu smol bean" or a "hot, edgy depressed bitch." I'm human.
(And before anyone tries to get the Reddit help line over here -- I have good outlets. I've just experienced this shit before.)
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u/Ginny_weasly_ Jan 28 '23
It's the little things that get entwined in our lives because of depression, I have a huge handkerchief on my bed side table, bcoz I cry myself to sleep every night.
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u/DurandalMarathon Jan 28 '23
War.
War is hell in all forms; always has been, always will be, and those who worship it as some glorious sport are stupid. It doesn't matter what the fighting is for, or who dies - war is a tragedy. End of story.
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u/No-Marsupial-1753 Jan 28 '23
No-one wins in war, there are just the survivors - the gist of what someone said once but I can’t remember who.
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u/Brobuscus48 Jan 28 '23
Well that's not true. Lockheed Martin certainly wins whenever there is a war.
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u/BrownEggs93 Jan 28 '23
Came here for this one. The little bits and pieces we are seeing of Ukraine is almost laughable. Fucking like a game people are playing somewhere else.
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u/NockerJoe Jan 28 '23
The thing is that a lot of reddit has gotten used to only seeing little bits of Ukraine, like the bits where Ukrainians use drones to effortlessly kill Russians or the meme videos the Ukrainian government put out. Or if you do see someone disfigured, it's because someone in the west is bankrolling a fancy next generation prosthetic that'll make them good as new.
I have friends who have way more connections to both Russia and Ukraine. Reddits cheer squad doesn't want to acknowledge that a lot of the people they're calling orks were regular people who got dragged in via conscription and sent into the meat grinder. Or that Ukrainians still living in Ukraine have to deal with the hardships of an eastern European winter with regular power outages(which were already a serious problem for them before). Or that Ukraine has also lost five or six figures worth of people at this point because they're fighting through trenched and mined territory in a lot of places and the Russians still have large amounts of artillery and the ability to launch missiles from jets still in Russia.
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u/TheJewishViking1064 Jan 28 '23
Gangsters
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u/Lvcivs2311 Jan 28 '23
"Oh, look at the Italian mafia with their codes of honour!" And their human trafficking, their many cold-blooded murders, extortion of common shopkeepers... Code of honour, my ass. That's just rules amongst themselves. To the outside world, they have no mercy at all.
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u/-00-- Jan 28 '23
The past.
No, everyone didn't have a home with a pool, housekeeper, stay at home parent, 4 kids all supported on a grocery store baggers salary in the 1950s.
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u/VincentVanGTFO Jan 28 '23
Conversely, romanticizing a hard past in modern times. When people who lived a more sheltered life go too far in being interested in your past brokenness and poverty, etc.
I get there is a "novelty" factor in finding out someone went through hell but it can start to feel like fetishizing someone else's suffering.
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u/___PM_ME_YOUR_FEET_ Jan 28 '23
Some people actually claim that humans were all around better “back in their day”.
Somebody recently was saying to me, “Nobody my age would EVER do that, we know better. We would’ve gotten our ass beat if we did anything like that.”
Like, you can’t speak for an entire generation of humanity, just because you personally wouldn’t have done something. Not everyone in the 50’s was perfectly raised and grew into perfect adults. There were just as many shitbag losers then as there are now. People have always been people. It’s insane to think people were inherently better years ago.
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Jan 28 '23
UGH - I have this convo with my older relatives all the time, esp. my aunts. They are/were all white, college educated and solidly middle class. Life was pretty darn good for them - they were all married to men, homeowners and had kids with no health issues, physical or mental. They go on and on about how much better "the good old days" were.
I say, "Yeah, they were...for you. But what if you were gay, handicapped, a single parent, in an abusive relationship or mentally ill back then? I guarantee you life wouldn't be so great. It wouldn't be perfect now either, but a hell of a lot better than it would have been in the 50's or 60's."
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u/Alphapoptartlover Jan 28 '23
JokerxHarley
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u/DeepStateofAffairs Jan 28 '23
Every idiot in my hometown with a drug problem living with their clearly abusive shithead partner thinks they're Joker and Harley. It's not the flex they think it is.
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u/ChimericOwl Jan 28 '23
Expecting their partners/close friends to "just know" what they need.
This is often talked about as a sign of love (e.g., "oh! He just knew that I would need a nice dinner after the kind of day that I had" or "she just knew that I didn't like her friend, so she stopped hanging out with her."
First, expecting people to "just know" what you need is often a sign that you need to improve your emotional communication. Though it can definitely be nice when a partner or close friend anticipates a want/need that you have, when it's an expectation, it's most often a sign that you're lacking in emotional communication. As human beings, we all get along better when we (1) know, and (2) clearly state our needs to (3) trusted others. Not knowing any part of that equation can lead to trouble. Not wanting to learn that is even worse.
Second, the things that someone in a relationship "needs" isn't always something that is good for the health of the relationship. In the second example I gave, it's actually pretty toxic to expect someone to drop a friend (except in situations where the friend is abusive, for example). Just because you want something, doesn't mean that you should get it, or that the only way the other person can show you love is to give you what you're asking for. As any good parent knows, saying no to a request is as important sometimes as saying yes.
Source: Clinical psychologist (PhD) with 10 years experience.
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u/ChicxLunar Jan 28 '23
When she gets angry and expects that you know why she is angry.
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u/tossawaynsfw9 Jan 28 '23
Recent trend of associating mental illness as a personality trait rather than an actual disorder/struggle.
Right now it seems like teenagers and college kids seem to be really into playing this infantilism game to duck out of taking accountability for actions/being a shitty person.
Speaking as someone who has been diagnosed with mental health problems as early as 9 years old, every day is a struggle to some degree. To have some whiny little assholes treat legitimate illness like a "fun quirk" to find a community or attention literally makes my blood boil.
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u/___PM_ME_YOUR_FEET_ Jan 28 '23
People love to classify and diagnose for some reason. I guess they think it makes them interesting or unique. Plus, as you said, it can be used as an excuse for any behavior: “Sorry, but you know I have…”
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u/theautomemoriesdoll Jan 28 '23
Mental illness.
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u/RedReaper666YT Jan 28 '23
This needs to be said louder. Mental illness isn't something people should want. Those of us with a mental illness want it to go TF away!
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u/HRKing505 Jan 28 '23
Mental illness isn't something people should want.
Wait until you see what gets posted to /r/FakeDisorderCringe
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u/Queen_Choas90 Jan 28 '23
Exactly, I can't tell you how many times I've bawled my eyes out begging God or asking why can't I be normal? I hate it. If I could get rid of them, I would in a heartbeat.
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u/FindorKotor93 Jan 28 '23
There are certain mental illnesses that sufferers think they want though. Many dissociative disorders appeal to the brain as Special Knowledge (prophecy, insight, intuition...) And obviously there's the big one that makes every trait you recognise in yourself either a quality or completely justified...
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u/Gemrhia_Twinstone25 Jan 28 '23
"My love and sex will fix decades of your trauma" Seriously we got books of it and then today there was someone with a Savior Complex on Relationship Advice. Like stop it. It's not your job to save someone and stop thinking you have the power to undo years of trauma or set behaviors. That's on the person who underwent it stop trying to steal the journey of healing from them.
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u/kingcheeta7 Jan 28 '23
Smoking. So fucking gross.
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u/Nhh223 Jan 28 '23
I agree that it's gross.
This has to be a generational thing, caused by the media and society.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s, started smoking in 2002.
Smoking was everywhere. By my childhood it was banned in obvious places like hospitals and schools, but restaurants had smoking still. Truck stops, bars, laundromats, you name it. I remember a birthday party at a bowling alley and the smokers everywhere.
I saw things drastically change as I grew older. Movies and smoking has changed. I personally thought Audrey Hepburn smoking was sexy. Everybody smoked in movies until the 2000s. I couldn't watch Sin City without smoking a half a pack of cigarettes.
I've been smoke free for almost 4 years now. I quit because I have a daughter.
I will say that having a cigarette after sex, a good cup of coffee, or a near death experience is unmatched.
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u/MettatonNeo1 Jan 28 '23
My first memory is my mom smoking in the porch. She stopped not so long after that day. I still tell to people to not smoke near me
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u/I_like_cake_7 Jan 28 '23
Living in New York City. That place blows ass! NYC is not the idyllic paradise that so many TV shows and movies portray it to be.
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u/nope_367 Jan 28 '23
Clingyness, like the texts you every hour to check up on you kind, I can't wrap my head around it
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u/Front_Weakness9862 Jan 28 '23
I have a habit of texting my husband a lot when he’s gone. Not because I think he’s cheating or anything, I’m more worried about him getting in a car wreck or something.
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u/tossawaynsfw9 Jan 28 '23
I like that honestly
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u/Gringo_Baggins Jan 28 '23
Have you experienced it though?
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u/tossawaynsfw9 Jan 28 '23
Yes I've had two exes that were like that.
I like the sense of care and worry, I like having someone think about me constantly. I know some people aren't into that but I find it sweet.
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u/umkaramazov Jan 28 '23
Suicide
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u/lurkyturkyducken Jan 28 '23
This is the answer. My brother killed himself, and there was nothing romantic about it, like how the movies like to portray it. It’s empty, ugly and pointless.
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u/Mikurinx Jan 28 '23
Seconding this as well. My mom committed suicide and I hate how they portray it in movies. I remember going to A Star Is Born on my birthday after my mom died (stupid I know, but I never saw or read about the plot of the earlier versions). I absolutely hate that movie.
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u/mymang-goistoblowup Jan 28 '23
What would you tell me as somebody who wants to kill themselves?
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Jan 28 '23 edited Jan 28 '23
Mental illness. While loving someone with mental illness will be more difficult, romanticizing it has given everyone on the internet a desire to be “broken” so that someone can fall in love with them and “be saved” or they use it as an excuse to be forever difficult (by means of borderline stalking their partners). A common one I see is “I have anxiety so I can’t do anything if my partner doesn’t text/call every so often”.
Realistically, most self diagnosed people on the internet probably have no such mental illness, and them speaking of it as they do so lightly is a bit of a slap in the face to those who truly deal with the everyday struggles of it and are fighting to work on themselves and seek help to reduce their symptomatic impact on their loved ones. Mental illness will always be hard, but part of having it means you’re responsible for it and your actions. You’re supposed to learn HOW to live with it and cope better, not use it as a means to always be coddled. Mental illness is a suffrage you’re responsible for coping with, not a way to act inappropriately and always use it as an excuse. The internet treating it as it does harms everyone.
Perhaps I sound incredibly insensitive, but I’m incredibly fed up with how lightly people throw terms about mental health around. However it’s unpopular to say this because people will tell you “you have no idea what everyone’s personal struggles are.” Which is true. I have no idea. But I know the people who “literally have anxiety I can’t do x” “literally like I have anxiety and my partner knows this so then acting like x is so disrespectful.” “My ocd literally makes me crazy like I HAVE to clean all the time.” “My intrusive thoughts made me cut my hair” “in a manic episode so I did x” quirky people do no good toward it.
The internet diagnosed people will tell you otherwise, though.
Edit: might I add the terms “gaslighting” and “traumatized”. These are so loosely used they’ve all but lost their actual meaning. But it cute and cool to be “broken” so. 🤷♀️
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u/RadzioGadzioPL Jan 28 '23
I've actually never experienced that type of people and have never done this, but my perspective has changed. Before "catching" depression I thought it's not as bad as people say it is. I didn't want to get it.
Now that I've been fighting it for over a year I'm sick and tired of it. People don't know how it feels. How empty you feel inside. I found perfect sentence about depression: "I don't want to die, I just don't want to life". And that's unfortunately true...
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u/CumGoblin Jan 29 '23
Also “Lol I’m so OCD” because you organized your closet or “the weather is so bipolar” because it gets hot in the day then cold at night. Yeah that shit’s stupid as fuck and incredibly unhelpful for anyone with an actual mental health diagnosis.
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u/Defiant_Chapter_3299 Jan 28 '23
Abuse
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Jan 28 '23
Who romanticises abuse?
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u/Pentothebananaman Jan 28 '23
In the comic and anime spheres it's very common. Also shows up often in the "fiery relationship" archetype of many sitcoms. Assault of men played for laughs or men using force to invade womens space, (like grabbing a womens arm as she attempts to leave an argument.)
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u/Miss-Phryne-Fischer Jan 28 '23
I like to watch asian series, but if the guy or the girl hits the other person even only once, I am out.
Like, I get the temper was high and she/he was being difficult, but do not hit or grab in anger. EVER. That shif is toxic as funk.
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u/Spamgrenade Jan 28 '23
Women who don't realise they are being abused.
I work with a young lady in her first serious relationship. He regularly 'kicks off' over (to me) trivial things. She boasts about the police being called to her family home (lives with mum and brother) to deal with boyfriend. Multiple where are you? type texts per day that she has to instantly reply too. He seems to control every aspect of her life from what she wears to what she eats. Hear absolute horror stories about him at least once a week.
She absolutely revels in it, thinks he behaves this way because hes so in love with her. Anyone who questions her relationship is "just jealous".
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u/SortaSticious Jan 28 '23
Alcoholism
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u/Mysterious_Nerve_446 Jan 28 '23
Yes, I said the same thing. It's so easy to make it seam like if you drink it in a fancy glass or while you're out to eat is lovely. Like you're not going to end up home alone drinking out the bottle. #TRYINGTORECOVER
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u/auximines_minotaur Jan 28 '23
Yeah wow one tv/movie archetype that needs to be euthanized is the “drunk” who is nonetheless charming and somehow manages to get through life and be successful even though they’re “a mess.” Yes, it’s called being a functioning alcoholic and even if they do manage to be “charming” most of they time (unlikely), they’re ruining their health and often making life worse for the people around them. Why we choose to glorify this archetype I will never know.
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u/throwaway_mood23 Jan 28 '23
Also whatever the fuck is going on in 50 shades.
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u/ButterflyS919 Jan 28 '23
Abuse by a hot rich man. (I have never read them and never intend to.)
I remember someone talking about how if you replaced the main character of that with a poor fat dude, it would be recognized as abuse, but b/c the guy has money and is hot it's okay.
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Jan 28 '23
True Crime anything, glorification of these acts, and people involved isn’t something to be turned into our entertainment
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u/Whappingtime Jan 28 '23
Being depressed and insecure, while being just as shitty towards other people like they talk about hating themselves. Self victimization in general really, again while being abrasive towards everyone else.
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u/achelebellamy Jan 28 '23
ADHD and Autism
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u/herfacesunk1000ships Jan 29 '23
Wait, since when are people romanticizing ADHD and how do I get in on it?
So far I've only gotten neutral, borderline discriminatory and/ or demeaning reactions from people who find out I have ADD.
And ngl it makes everything so much worse. It'd take me too long to list all the ways it affects my life, all I can say is god damn.
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u/ShineNo5248 Jan 28 '23
Having “no friends”. I’ve noticed that the ones that claim they have “no friends” rlly do have friends and are just trying to appear quirky.
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u/vash_theasen Jan 28 '23
The constant falling in and out of love over silly things, using other people to make them jealous and stuff. These are just signs of utter immaturity.
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u/Llort_Ruetama Jan 28 '23
Needless consumption, the idea that we could just buy things, and once it's old throw it away, as if we had unlimited resources, while living on a finite planet.
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u/Shawnfriendez Jan 28 '23
Billionaires
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u/Twandle_D-Vorago Jan 28 '23
Absolutely this! The idea that anyone needs to hoard that many resources is ludicrous, and the amount of people who treat this as anything other than glorifying the psychopathic traits that it takes to crush that many people is insane.
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u/throwaway_mood23 Jan 28 '23
Romeo and Juliet.
She was underage and it lasted 3 days and 6 people died.
It's not a love story it's a tragedy just like most relationships these days.
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u/Brontoculus Jan 28 '23
I thought it was a critique of teenage love and how overly dramatic teenagers can be. This might explain why they make you read it when you're that age.
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u/Penna_23 Jan 28 '23
find a sugar daddy and become the love of his life. what are the odds of something reeks of fairytale fantasy like this will happens?
gets abused / kidnapped / imprisoned by a rich, hot guy. nothing wrong with CNC roleplaying but in real life it won't sexy as you thought
"misunderstood" criminals. bad guys deserved to be punished and being pretty does not excuse for is crimes
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u/peanutthetreenut Jan 28 '23
Clinginess in relationships. So many people think you need to be texting every minute of everyday when you're in a relationship.
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Jan 28 '23
The past...
My kid asked me what time period I would travel back to if I could. I said, as a woman, I'll stay in the present day thanks.
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u/Naborsx21 Jan 28 '23
Serial killers. There will be news article claiming "genius gone mad" no they just had some insane trauma and are cold blooded killers.
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u/Nomofricks Jan 28 '23
Emotional abuse. “He doesn’t want me talking to other people because he loves me so much!” “She gets upset and calls me names because she is just so in love with me and doesn’t want to see me hurt.” BS. They are emotionally manipulative and abusive. Suck it Edward and Bella.
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u/PhilthyMindedRat Jan 28 '23 edited Feb 06 '23
Sex.
Not saying it's bad or bad to enjoy it, but the way society overhypes it as the be-all end-all to existence has a damaging effect on people's sense of self-worth.
This hype makes some people feel entitled to it on a dangerous level. On the other hand the hypes makes other people hate themselves for not having it, to the point that they become depressed and suicidal (like I used to be).
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u/PenguinSimp101 Jan 28 '23
china, russia, north korea. dictatorships. communist countries that oppress the hell out of their citizens and US citizens romanticize and praise them for it
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u/OurLadyOfTheChickens Jan 28 '23
Anger/jealousy/playing hard to get in relationships.
The only reason I want to spackle holes in my drywall is because we’re moving artwork around.
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u/seaofblackholes Jan 28 '23
Democracy. Wake up people, Bernard Sanders will never be the president of the US, because the owners don’t want it to happen, so you will always be given choices that they’ve already picked out for themselves.
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u/astagnentbagofbones Jan 28 '23
Sadness.
The best advice I ever read was “no one pities the princess that put herself in the tower”.
It seems like we all like to victimize ourselves sometimes, in whatever aspect of our lives, by romanticizing how rough and sad we are about it.
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u/ChibiSailorMercury Jan 28 '23
Past decades.
No, I'm a black woman, I am not interested in your "historically accurate" Roaring 1920s themed party, thank you very much.
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u/NoFaithlessness1984 Jan 28 '23 edited Jan 28 '23
Perhaps the past-decades themed movies, novels, and comics have been saturated with all sorts of stereotypes and cliches, but if they are done right, one might actually become immersed with the setting, story, and characters while having a more authentic interaction with them.
Something that happens too often, for instance, is highlighting the triumphs of a certain generation while completely glossing over the more grim realities within that time period, namely the Victorian Era, the Roaring 20s, the Great Depression, WW2, and the 1950s.
Even if the named eras' issues are addressed, there is often at least one 'progressive-minded' character that comes off as an abrasive 21st-century mouthpiece. Our current standards of equality weren't formed overnight by one revolutionary (or should I say, "some actress' self-insert"), but rather as a byproduct of a multitude of individuals' intellectual contributions spanning hundreds, if not thousands of years.
In fact, one of the main arguments used by many pre-1920s' sufferagettes was the fact that black men were able to vote, yet white women weren't, indicating a sense of intellectual superiority. Yet if a suffrage flick were to be made today, it's almost guaranteed that there will be at least one white woman immediately getting belligerent over this mindset instead of simply ignoring it, even if she might secretly have doubts, in the name of maintaining the movement's social traction.
These are just my thoughts about this genre. Let me know what you think in the replies!
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u/mearbearcate Jan 28 '23 edited Jan 28 '23
Cheating. It always seems to people “if the person looks better with the one they cheated with or the one who got cheated on sucks it’s okay”🤪 at least in TV shows anyway. Cheating is always so normalized in tv and movies, especially in greys anatomy lol
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u/Lvcivs2311 Jan 28 '23
Nationalism. Entire wars and genocides have broken out with that shit as an argument. Nations are created top-down, even if the public goes with it and strengthens the process. Most "national traditions" have been invented during the 19th century. Nations were not always there and neither were their borders.
When you really think of it, it makes no sense to be proud of something someone else did long ago, just because he happened to live in the same area as you. (Especially if that area is thousands of kilometers wide.) It is too often used to target everyone from outside as a potential enemy. Why can't we just be decent people to each other in the first place?
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u/popoloci Jan 28 '23
Jobs
They’ve warped perception of what a job is that people just son’t put in the actual work on so so many occasions. If it’s not making the world better, if they’re no making a difference then they don’t want to put in the effort.
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u/Public-Emu1059 Jan 28 '23
new york. yes it’s beautiful from above but if you’re walking around it’s terrifying and not so pretty
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u/Ok_Weakness_2143 Jan 28 '23
"He is mean to everyone bu has a soft spot for me, how cute"
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u/Cream_As_A_Yandere Jan 28 '23
Serial Killers. Yes, people genuinely romanticize them
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u/sext1na_aquaf1na Jan 29 '23
Violent/abusive relationships romanticized as being fiercely passionate...
My abuser literally attempted to kill not only me, but our children as well, when we left.
Not romantic.
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u/CaptainKraboo Jan 28 '23
Depression, suicide, self-harm, practically anything mental illness and disorder-related